CUP OF TEA

The Spanish have siestas, the French have affairs, but the British have the cup of tea. Originally discovered by chimps wearing human clothes, the appreciation for an afternoon cup of tea remains an entrenched part of Great Britishness. Much like the weather, it cuts to the very core of what it is to be British and is sewn into our cultural identity.
If you’re a British citizen, and don’t like tea, one strongly advises you to see your doctor immediately. If you’re not a tea lover (shame on you), one seriously suggests you pretend to be one.
Every day 120,000,000 cups are drunk in the UK, whilst ‘Fancy a cuppa?’ and ‘I’ll put the kettle on’ must be two of the nation’s most spoken phrases. If you stacked every box of tea sold in the UK each year on top of one another, then you will have done an incredibly stupid thing, and will most likely be arrested.
Without tea, one is sure, the British would most certainly have lost both world wars. It’s a little known fact that the reason it took thirty-five years to build St Paul’s Cathedral is because the workforce stopped for a tea break every five minutes.
The British are born with a natural instinct that allows them to make a cup of tea without ever having seen one made before. When preparing tea, there are rituals to be observed: use boiling water and, if you must resort to tea bags, always add the milk last. Failure to do so will result in such distress that it may take another cup of tea to calm everyone down again. British drinkers are required by law to utter the word ‘Lovely’ immediately after taking the first sip of a cup of tea. Drinking tea out of anything other than a china cup is an act of blasphemy, recognised across every faith known to mankind. The little finger should be raised whilst lifting the teacup - one should stress: this is not for effect, but for balance.

(From ‘Charles HRH’s Guide to Great Britishness’)